What first brought you to the gender identity service?
When I was younger, I always struggled with my gender identity and questioned why I wasn't a boy to my friends. I couldn't bring myself to speak to my mum about this so I just lived with it. Then at the age of 11, I saw a programme where someone transitioned from female to male and I turned around to my mum and said 'I feel like that'. A few years later, at the age of 14, I got my hair cut, then at the age of 15, I came out to my mum as a 'lesbian' and then a couple of months later as transgender. I just felt like a boy who was born a girl by mistake and so I went to my doctor to speak about getting a possible referral to GIDS at the Tavistock. The GP told me I had to be referred to CAMHS first, who could then refer me onto GIDS.
What were your hopes from the service?
When I first came to the service, my hopes were to be put on testosterone straight away because I had had my name changed and socially transitioned, I was also over the age of 16, the age at which you can start cross-sexsex hormones. However, I now realize that my hopes were set slightly high due to the fact that you have to be on hormone blockers for a year before starting any cross-sex hormones, which I then started in June 2015.
How did you feel before your first appointment?
Before my first appointment, I was very worried and anxious about how it would go and about if the people I was seeing would believe me and if I was 'trans enough'. However, the person I saw in my first appointment made me feel at ease and made it clear that gender is fluid. This did not matter to me as I am a strong binary male, but it still reassured me that they do not disregard how anyone feels. My first appointment went well and I felt comfortable talking about my experiences. I was also able to say what I wanted from the GIDS service as well as being told what I could expect so that I did not get my hopes up.
What has happened since?
Since my first appointment at the Tavistock, I've had an assessment, started hormone blockers in June 2015, and was referred to adult services. I was placed on testosterone in June 2016 and due to my choice, I asked to be referred to a different adult service. Throughout this, I have had a number of appointments where I speak things through with my clinicians about how life is going or how my transition is going.
What has been most and least helpful about the service?
The most helpful things for me since starting the service is the appointment times with my clinicians to speak about my hopes, fears and expectations. Also, the group for young people was very helpful because it gave me a chance to meet other young trans people who understand the feeling of what it is like to be trans; it's a safe space to speak to other people freely without being judged.
The least helpful thing has been being on hormone blockers for a year prior to starting testosterone. I found that this was not helpful to me because I was almost 17 when I was put on hormone blockers and old enough to be put on cross-sex hormones so I feel like I wasted a year of my life on hormone blockers when I could have been on testosterone instead. That said, I understand that the NHS has a protocol for a reason and that some people might find the (minimum of one) year of hormone blockers useful.
What would you tell your younger self, if you could go back in time?
Be strong, don't give up, you'll get there in the end and you'll grow up to be the man you always knew you were and wanted to be. Things happening and changes may take time, but so does perfection..
What are your hopes for the future?
In my transition, my hopes for the future are to have both top and bottom surgery and live my life the way I should have always been. In life in general, I would like to go to university to study clinical psychology to become a clinical psychologist for children questioning their gender identity; I would also like to be a youth worker.
What would you like other young people or families to know?
Young people: Don't be too harsh on people if they don't use your name and pronouns straight away, it's going to take time for them to adjust. Nothing happens overnight and they have known you as your previous name for months, years or possibly your whole life.. They will get there eventually - and you will appreciate it all the bit more when they do call you the correct name and pronouns :)
Families: Although it is hard, try to respect what the young person is doing. It takes a lot of guts to come out as there is always the fear that your family won't accept you and that you will be kicked out or disowned. A young person shouldn't live in this sort of fear - they should be worrying about girlfriends/boyfriends/partners and their exams! Also, it's going to be hard, but try to use the name and pronouns that the young person has asked you to... It's okay if you slip up, but don't make a massive deal about it - apologise and move on, and try not to do it again.
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