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Hi, I’m Jonah. I am 17 and currently attend Sixth Form.
My family have been very supportive through my transitioning process, and we’ve grown together, emotionally and socially.
I’m interested in art, and digital work such as photography or website design, and do freelance work as a digital artist. I’m interested in culture, especially pop culture, of different countries, and I am currently learning Korean.
My preferred pronouns are he/him and I identify as a trans male.
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In 2014 I was referred to CAHMS for counselling for depression and anxiety. My counsellor at the time thought that it was important that I explore gender as part of my identity (as I had already started to socially transition, but didn’t think of specialist gender services before), and she thought that it was important in my recovery and self confidence.
I can remember not really being sure what I wanted from the service especially, although I was determined to move on and physically start transitioning as soon as possible. I didn’t pay much mind to the idea of exploring personal identity, I just needed to alleviate the dysphoria I couldn’t bear with anymore.
In my initial appointment, I was terrified that I wasn’t going to be ‘trans enough‘ (what does that even mean?) and that they’d reject me instantly, telling me I’d made a mistake. They didn’t, but what they did do was offer a very warm and welcoming introductory session, and allow us to start off on our own terms, asking me what I wanted instead of leading a pre-created conversation structure.
I have explored various parts of my gender identity both alone and with GIDS, and have come to understand myself much better. I have made changes concerning the way I want to go about transitioning, and have learnt to take on a more relaxed and self-tolerant approach to my body and my identity.
The most helpful thing has been their intervention with my family: helping them to understand my situation- as although they were supportive from the start, they didn’t necessarily understand. Now, I can safely say that my family understands and accepts me for who I am, and knows what my identity means to me and why it is important.
The least helpful? Due to the recent influx of young transgender people wanting to attend the service, waiting times are usually long. With personal background support from CAMHS, it wasn’t too much trouble for me, but sometimes could be a little frustrating.
‘Gender and gender expression is fluid.‘ When I was younger I had a very rigid idea of what a man ‘should be’ and what a woman ‘should be’. Transitioning has helped me to understand that those things aren’t important, what you like and what you do makes you who you are. Younger me refused to admit he liked the colour pink, and always insisted on carrying all the shopping bags because he thought that that was the only way he could ‘be a man’. If you are naturally like that, it is important to accept that part of yourself, too. However, forcing yourself into a traditionally masculine role for the sake of passing can sometimes be just as constricting as dysphoria itself. I am now proud to say I love the colour pink, cute things and I am much happier for being the real me.
I hope eventually to get to the point of physically transitioning to whatever extent I am comfortable with. Right now, I am looking forward to starting testosterone next year, and am hoping for top surgery some time in the near future. If this changes in the future, I know I won’t be any less of a man- and that it’s ok to only do what’s comfortable and best for you.
Don’t worry too much about other people or the you of the future. If you do what you want for yourself now, the you in the future will understand that it was for the best- because they wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for you. You’re brave and strong, and I hope one day that you can say that you’re proud to be who you are, 100%.